Ah yes, let the pettiness continue...with all the half-assed rambling going on that President-elect Barack Obama is not a natural-born citizen of the United States, leave it to the most half-assed Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court to throw his three-quarters of a cent into the mix. Justice Clarence Thomas, best known as the premier seat-filler on the high court for maybe having only said four words the entire time he's been there, has asked the other Justices to consider a lawsuit that questions the citizenship of our soon-to-be 44th President. The matter has actually been scheduled for a conference tomorrow, leading me to wonder if the Supreme Court has ran the hell out of sensible matters to look into, and if so, why they are following the lead of the most disinterested stone-faced mute to ever occupy space in the highest level of our judiciary.
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to facepalm...former Florida Governor Jeb Bush is mulling over whether or not to run for the U.S. Senate seat Mel Martinez is going to leave after 2010. While it seems by far and large margins that Jeb is the least repulsive of the Bush offspring, one has to be curious to his chances. His older brother is currently holding simultaneous spots as not only the worst president in the history of this country, and judging by the GOP's performance, a big time political liability, and you know that fact has weighed in on Jeb's mind. Sure, a 2006 Quinnipiac University poll showed that 57% of Florida voters thought Jeb was a good or great governor, but that very same poll had 59% of those same voters disapproving of the job Dubya was doing. I want to see a poll taken in the here and now, showing what not only the voters in Florida, but voters across the country think about the prospects of yet another Bush remaining in public office. I for one, welcome a day when the Bush political machine, if ever it could have been called such, finally sputters to a stop.
Closing out today's column with failure of a different sort, James Pischel's attorney, public defender Matt Graff, argued to the Supreme Court that Pischel had been entrapped, by a Lincoln police investigator posing as a 15-year-old girl, by the use of emoticons, even after Pischel had supposedly tried to break off online contact two months prior. Pischel was busted in June 2007 after trying to meet the girl for sex near a public park in Lincoln. So let me get this straight...some dipshit guy working as a state corrections officer gets busted for trying to hook up with a 15-yr-old girl, and he is going to blame the emoticons the cop used? Dumbass said he tried to break off contact online, and that's all well and good, but why the fuck did he go try and meet the chick? Never mind your Ps and Qs...maybe you should have minded your :)s or your ;Ds instead. What makes this an even bigger fail in my book is the fact Pischel had already served out his 1-2 year sentence, having been released in late-October. If they weren't going to pay this any mind then, what makes you think it's gonna hold water this time around?
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The Daily Breakdown - 12.2.08
So, according to all the cable and network news sources, the United States is now "officially" in a recession, and has been for about a year now. Absolutely fucking fascinating. Yeah, making it "official," that was the key...now everybody is going to figure it out. We've known this for months, as the housing market was bottoming out, as every arrogant banking group was lining up to get a bailout so they could keep their big-time salaries, bonuses, and stadium naming rights. Yeah, things might have been rough, but now it's "official," so NOW we can say comfortably that the economy is spiraling down the porcelain? You may now facepalm thusly.
In somewhat related news, Ford CEO Alan Mulally, Chrysler CEO Robert Nardelli, and GM CEO Rick Wagoner all announced they would work for $1 a year as they approach Congress with their new plan to beg for a $25 billion bailout. How droll. Maybe they should have taken this dramatic bullshit gesture well before the car went off the cliff, pun intended. Even now, a buck a year is overpriced for these three men, and the bottom line is any bailout, in addition to actual honest-to-god oversight (like any of us expect THAT to happen), the bailout needs to include the resignation of all three men, with replacement scouting to take place somewhere in the incorporated city limits of competence.
Meanwhile, it was reported by British news that President-elect Obama is buying his wife a $30,000 diamond ring. Puppy be damned, pal...how bad did you fuck up to warrant that?
It was announced today that even more material was being made public from the Nixon administration, shedding more light on Watergate and Vietnam, among other things. The release consists of 200 hours of audiotape and more than 90,000 pages of documents from 1972-74. Holy cow, this guy releases more posthumous material than Jimi Hendrix. At the rate this is going, we should have a better picture of the scope of Dubya's dry fisting of this country sometime in 2071...
Meanwhile, a trio of enterprising people in Ohio found themselves in hot water after a raffle went bust. Christopher S. Johnson, 33, an academic adviser at OSU's School of Nursing, Rusty Blades, 42, a real estate agent, and Vanise Dunn, 31, an employee of Franklin County Children Services and apparent part-time prostitute, were all nabbed after putting together the raffle, at $10 a ticket, on Craigslist, to spend an evening with a prostitute. Even sadder is the fact that Dunn has been employed as a child sex-abuse caseworker with Franklin County Children Services since 2000. Fuck, man, doesn't that job pay anything? Johnson was charged with promoting prostitution and given $25,000 bail. Blades, who was providing the house where the "prize" was to be collected, with also charged with promoting prostitution and given $50,000 bail. Dunn, who was named as the prize, was charged November 12 with allegedly soliciting a vice detective in a presumably different incident. Not that I'm against entrepreneurship or anything like that, but the most outrageous part of this is the idea that Dunn is on paid leave since her arrest, while the agency looks into whether Dunn violated any of its policies. What in the name of holy damn is there to figure out? You got someone charged with at least one sex crime, albeit the lowest level possible, realistically, and you're still letting her draw a paycheck as a sex abuse caseworker, for children?
In somewhat related news, Ford CEO Alan Mulally, Chrysler CEO Robert Nardelli, and GM CEO Rick Wagoner all announced they would work for $1 a year as they approach Congress with their new plan to beg for a $25 billion bailout. How droll. Maybe they should have taken this dramatic bullshit gesture well before the car went off the cliff, pun intended. Even now, a buck a year is overpriced for these three men, and the bottom line is any bailout, in addition to actual honest-to-god oversight (like any of us expect THAT to happen), the bailout needs to include the resignation of all three men, with replacement scouting to take place somewhere in the incorporated city limits of competence.
Meanwhile, it was reported by British news that President-elect Obama is buying his wife a $30,000 diamond ring. Puppy be damned, pal...how bad did you fuck up to warrant that?
It was announced today that even more material was being made public from the Nixon administration, shedding more light on Watergate and Vietnam, among other things. The release consists of 200 hours of audiotape and more than 90,000 pages of documents from 1972-74. Holy cow, this guy releases more posthumous material than Jimi Hendrix. At the rate this is going, we should have a better picture of the scope of Dubya's dry fisting of this country sometime in 2071...
Meanwhile, a trio of enterprising people in Ohio found themselves in hot water after a raffle went bust. Christopher S. Johnson, 33, an academic adviser at OSU's School of Nursing, Rusty Blades, 42, a real estate agent, and Vanise Dunn, 31, an employee of Franklin County Children Services and apparent part-time prostitute, were all nabbed after putting together the raffle, at $10 a ticket, on Craigslist, to spend an evening with a prostitute. Even sadder is the fact that Dunn has been employed as a child sex-abuse caseworker with Franklin County Children Services since 2000. Fuck, man, doesn't that job pay anything? Johnson was charged with promoting prostitution and given $25,000 bail. Blades, who was providing the house where the "prize" was to be collected, with also charged with promoting prostitution and given $50,000 bail. Dunn, who was named as the prize, was charged November 12 with allegedly soliciting a vice detective in a presumably different incident. Not that I'm against entrepreneurship or anything like that, but the most outrageous part of this is the idea that Dunn is on paid leave since her arrest, while the agency looks into whether Dunn violated any of its policies. What in the name of holy damn is there to figure out? You got someone charged with at least one sex crime, albeit the lowest level possible, realistically, and you're still letting her draw a paycheck as a sex abuse caseworker, for children?
Friday, November 28, 2008
Not just another Black Friday rant
So there I was, sitting in my living room, drinking my last bloody mary of the day, checking my Facebook page and watching a House rerun on USA. Rob Tinsley, a longtime friend of mine had updated his status to reflect his preparation to head out into the Black Friday shopping maelstrom, and having watched The Smoking Gun presents World's Dumbest Shoppers earlier in the evening, I sent a tongue-in-cheek reply to not wind up as a highlight on volume two. Then, after I woke up to begin my Friday, news had broken on the death of a Wal Mart worker in Long Island, New York after being trampled by idiot shoppers trying to get a bargain on a flat screen, a laptop, or whatever was apparently worth recreating the scene of third world residents trying to get to a relief package freshly airlifted by some humanitarian group.
The as-yet unidentified man, 34 years old, was working for Wal Mart through a temp service when the store opened this morning in a manner only less organized than a full-fledged riot, as a statement from Nassau County police said a group of slack-jawed morons "physically broke down the doors, knocking him to the ground." Jimmy Overby, a fellow Wal Mart employee, said the temp worker was "bum-rushed by 200 people...they took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too ... I literally had to fight people off my back." The temp worker was pronounced dead at around 6 a.m. Eastern time this morning, an hour after the store opened.
While the police added that three other shoppers had received minor injuries and were transported to a local hospital for observation, reports were also surfacing that a 28 yr-old pregnant woman was knocked to the ground and had suffered a miscarriage. True to form, I suppose, shoppers continued to flood the store, going right around EMS workers attending to the woman and the temp worker. Remember the infamous story about the woman snapping a cell phone pic of the pregnant stabbing victim in a convenience store from a year or so ago? How is this any different? Although I guess we can say, as a small victory, we haven't as yet heard of any asshats emailing pics from this sickening display.
Shopper Kimberly Cribbs was quoted by news sources as saying "They're savages. It's sad. It's terrible." I would not go so far as to drag down the good name of savages by comparing them to this gaggle of low foreheads. Savages earn that name for a reason, but rational people, the same people who make transactions in stores everyday, do not trample people to save a couple of bucks on a fucking DVD player.
Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in Bentonville, Ark., would not confirm the reports of a stampede during the day-after-Thanksgiving bargain hunting, but said a "medical emergency" caused them to close the store. Yeah, fucking right. At what point, when the cash register tape told them the day was a boom profit, or when the crime scene tape became an issue of aesthetics?
Not that this tragedy is the first indication that something needs to be done about Black Friday sales, but rather one of the more compelling. How hard can it be to operate businesses with a modicum of civil order 364 days a year, but allowing blind eyes all around the fucking day after Thanksgiving? The answers may not be all that clear, but they are there, not the least of which would be holding these retailers accountable for the chaos they inevitably engineer, in the name of making up the slow parts of their sales year.
I'm not much of a gambler, but I would put good money on the barrelhead that not a single person entering or leaving that Wal Mart had an ounce of guilt, even upon hearing the news. That may be "terrible," or "sad," as Cribbs put it, but those people could not truly give a damn, as they have already made a dent in their holiday shopping, and good for them. Hope there isn't a crowd in hell when they get there. I'd hate to think of the inconvenience these soulless idiots will encounter.
The as-yet unidentified man, 34 years old, was working for Wal Mart through a temp service when the store opened this morning in a manner only less organized than a full-fledged riot, as a statement from Nassau County police said a group of slack-jawed morons "physically broke down the doors, knocking him to the ground." Jimmy Overby, a fellow Wal Mart employee, said the temp worker was "bum-rushed by 200 people...they took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too ... I literally had to fight people off my back." The temp worker was pronounced dead at around 6 a.m. Eastern time this morning, an hour after the store opened.
While the police added that three other shoppers had received minor injuries and were transported to a local hospital for observation, reports were also surfacing that a 28 yr-old pregnant woman was knocked to the ground and had suffered a miscarriage. True to form, I suppose, shoppers continued to flood the store, going right around EMS workers attending to the woman and the temp worker. Remember the infamous story about the woman snapping a cell phone pic of the pregnant stabbing victim in a convenience store from a year or so ago? How is this any different? Although I guess we can say, as a small victory, we haven't as yet heard of any asshats emailing pics from this sickening display.
Shopper Kimberly Cribbs was quoted by news sources as saying "They're savages. It's sad. It's terrible." I would not go so far as to drag down the good name of savages by comparing them to this gaggle of low foreheads. Savages earn that name for a reason, but rational people, the same people who make transactions in stores everyday, do not trample people to save a couple of bucks on a fucking DVD player.
Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in Bentonville, Ark., would not confirm the reports of a stampede during the day-after-Thanksgiving bargain hunting, but said a "medical emergency" caused them to close the store. Yeah, fucking right. At what point, when the cash register tape told them the day was a boom profit, or when the crime scene tape became an issue of aesthetics?
Not that this tragedy is the first indication that something needs to be done about Black Friday sales, but rather one of the more compelling. How hard can it be to operate businesses with a modicum of civil order 364 days a year, but allowing blind eyes all around the fucking day after Thanksgiving? The answers may not be all that clear, but they are there, not the least of which would be holding these retailers accountable for the chaos they inevitably engineer, in the name of making up the slow parts of their sales year.
I'm not much of a gambler, but I would put good money on the barrelhead that not a single person entering or leaving that Wal Mart had an ounce of guilt, even upon hearing the news. That may be "terrible," or "sad," as Cribbs put it, but those people could not truly give a damn, as they have already made a dent in their holiday shopping, and good for them. Hope there isn't a crowd in hell when they get there. I'd hate to think of the inconvenience these soulless idiots will encounter.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Worst keychain ever?
Holy damn! Some stories merely catch your eye...then there is this story...20 month old Nicholas Holderman, at home and playing with his two older brothers, wound up getting, of all things, his parents' car keys jammed into his freakin' brain! My first thought...what the fuck were they playing? I mean, lawn darts have long since wandered off into the sunset, even in Kentucky, where this went down.
Yep, that's one for the scrapbook
Alerted by the screams, his parents found him in that state, which I can only imagine aged them each ten to fifteen years in a matter of seconds. Dialing up the 911, the child was taken by helicopter to a hospital. Makes sense. I mean, how were the parents supposed to drive to the hospital? It's hard enough to keep a two-year-old still in a car anyway, let alone when he's dangling from the ignition. All kidding aside, the kid has since made a full recovery, so at least the story has a happy ending.
Alerted by the screams, his parents found him in that state, which I can only imagine aged them each ten to fifteen years in a matter of seconds. Dialing up the 911, the child was taken by helicopter to a hospital. Makes sense. I mean, how were the parents supposed to drive to the hospital? It's hard enough to keep a two-year-old still in a car anyway, let alone when he's dangling from the ignition. All kidding aside, the kid has since made a full recovery, so at least the story has a happy ending.
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Daily Breakdown - 11.24.08
Meanwhile, as the least surprising news of the year, that the Chinese Government has a problem with the new Guns N' Roses album, Chinese Democracy, was breaking...
Ever craved a ponytail sportin', zen philosophizin', martial arts master patrollin' a beat in New Orleans? Of course you have. Maybe you didn't know it, but you were. Naturally, there's only one guy to fit that description, and after spending much of the decade languishing in direct-to-dvd movies like the ones they marathon on Spike every couple of weeks or so, Steven Seagal is set to star in his first TV project, and predictably enough, it's a reality show.
A&E is set to debut Steven Seagal: Lawman sometime in later 2009. The latest in the never-ending stream of reality television projects will follow the Under Siege star as he presumably takes care of business as a deputy with the Jefferson Parish County Sheriff's Office. It has been reported that Seagal has put in time with the county sheriff's office off and on across two decades as a fully commissioned deputy, including assisting with recovery efforts following Hurricane Katrina. But hey, as it's also a reality show, it can't all be Seagal handcuffing domestic violence suspects and taking on an entire bar full of stereotypical thugs, the show will also cover his musical and philanthropic pursuits while in the area.
A singing, ass-whooping lawman? Shit, this would have made a great western, if not for the whole ponytail thing and all...
Meanwhile, one again, we find proof that there isn't usually any dignity in death. Benjamin Collen, a 19-year-old Illinois Institute of Technology sophomore, was found dead in his fraternity house Saturday of asphyxia from inhaling nitrous oxide from a whipped cream container. Yeah. You read that right. Someone died from freaking whippets. Collen, a sophomore biomedical engineering major from Lincolnwood, was discovered Saturday night in a storage room in the Alpha Sigma Phi fraternity house on campus, after being missing for eight days, with nitrous oxide cylinders found near his body.
Nitrous oxide, often called "laughing gas," is used as an anesthetic and as a foaming agent for whipped cream canisters. The IIT chapter of Alpha Sigma Phi was in good standing and no disciplinary action will be taken against the fraternity due to the accidental nature of Collen's death. I guess that storage room was not used for liquor, as there is no damn way it would have stayed unchecked for eight days.
Now, if someone would just do a few whippets, listen to Chinese Democracy, and pick a fight with Steven Seagal somewhere, I'd have a really awesome way to end this column today...
Ever craved a ponytail sportin', zen philosophizin', martial arts master patrollin' a beat in New Orleans? Of course you have. Maybe you didn't know it, but you were. Naturally, there's only one guy to fit that description, and after spending much of the decade languishing in direct-to-dvd movies like the ones they marathon on Spike every couple of weeks or so, Steven Seagal is set to star in his first TV project, and predictably enough, it's a reality show.
A&E is set to debut Steven Seagal: Lawman sometime in later 2009. The latest in the never-ending stream of reality television projects will follow the Under Siege star as he presumably takes care of business as a deputy with the Jefferson Parish County Sheriff's Office. It has been reported that Seagal has put in time with the county sheriff's office off and on across two decades as a fully commissioned deputy, including assisting with recovery efforts following Hurricane Katrina. But hey, as it's also a reality show, it can't all be Seagal handcuffing domestic violence suspects and taking on an entire bar full of stereotypical thugs, the show will also cover his musical and philanthropic pursuits while in the area.
A singing, ass-whooping lawman? Shit, this would have made a great western, if not for the whole ponytail thing and all...
Meanwhile, one again, we find proof that there isn't usually any dignity in death. Benjamin Collen, a 19-year-old Illinois Institute of Technology sophomore, was found dead in his fraternity house Saturday of asphyxia from inhaling nitrous oxide from a whipped cream container. Yeah. You read that right. Someone died from freaking whippets. Collen, a sophomore biomedical engineering major from Lincolnwood, was discovered Saturday night in a storage room in the Alpha Sigma Phi fraternity house on campus, after being missing for eight days, with nitrous oxide cylinders found near his body.
Nitrous oxide, often called "laughing gas," is used as an anesthetic and as a foaming agent for whipped cream canisters. The IIT chapter of Alpha Sigma Phi was in good standing and no disciplinary action will be taken against the fraternity due to the accidental nature of Collen's death. I guess that storage room was not used for liquor, as there is no damn way it would have stayed unchecked for eight days.
Now, if someone would just do a few whippets, listen to Chinese Democracy, and pick a fight with Steven Seagal somewhere, I'd have a really awesome way to end this column today...
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The Daily Breakdown - 11.23.08
What would a Sunday edition of the Breakdown be without some comment on the absolutely pisspoor job by my at-one-time beloved St. Louis Rams? Dropping a home game to the Chicago Bears 27-3, using all three quarterbacks to do it, and given the way this season has gone, it is hardly surprising. Zero rushing yards for the Rams until early in the 4th Quarter. Yeah...0 rushing yards, although they did manage to muster up 14 by the end of the game. 4th and 2, and Jim Hazlett can't figure out to go for it or try for a field goal? Good lord, man, no wonder you were on the coach's staff rather than running the team this year.
When I managed to tune into the game, Marc Bulger was riding the bench, and that is where he needs to stay for the remainder of the season, and yes, I know how much money the organization tossed down the crapper on him in his new contract. Ditto that for Steven Jackson, who has rewarded the club with more time on the sidelines in street clothes than on the field since holding out for more money. O-line has been absolutely pathetic this season. Not that backup QB Trent Green fared much better, other than going above and beyond to improve the Bears' sack and interception totals for the year before yielding to third-stringer Brock Berlin. Freakin' yarg...I would say wait until next year, but it may be more realistic to add two, at least three years to that...the way they are playing this year, I could hold the Rams to 9 points (all field goals) and gain three picks, and that is by my damn self. Wouldn't even need the rest of the team. Just me, baby.
Speaking of blind optimism, the Illinois State Police announced new measures covering the operation of cruisers by troopers in the wake of two big lawsuits filed in response to a high-speed crash last year that killed two teenage sisters and injured a couple in the resulting pileup. Former trooper Matt Mitchell, who was going 126 mph when the wreck occurred, has pled not guilty to two counts of reckless homicide in St. Clair County court, and will go to trial early next year. The changes include implementation of a four tier system, as announced by state police director Larry Trent, who added "The long-standing culture of response at all costs is no longer acceptable within the Illinois State Police." We'll see.
Among the changes: at the first tier, trooper are limited to following traffic laws, at the second and third levels, troopers can speed, but must get supervisor approval before going more than 20 mph over the speed limit, and only supervisors may call a "code red," which clears troopers to put the pedal to the floor. In addition, all code red calls will be reviewed by a committee. Additionally, troopers are now required to go hands-free with their cell phones, and are no longer allowed to shut off the dash cameras during emergency call responses. According to the state police, Illinois is now only the second state in the U.S. to restrict trooper speeds. Aren't cops supposed to obey traffic laws in the first fucking place? Secondly, why the hell would a cop shut off the dash cam during an emergency call? I mean, how are these reality "clip" shows to survive? I have a hard time seeing this really make a difference. Cops love to speed. Provable fact. They have, with few exceptions, the fastest cars on the road, taxpayer-funded gas, and most importantly, the law on their side. I still remember one day, coming across the Minton bridge from Indiana into Louisville, and not paying attention to my speed. The speed limit, a mere suggestion on that bridge, is 35 mph, and yet, despite the fact I was going 60, a Louisville Metro cruiser rolled past me like I was holding his ass up for a hot deal on day-olds at Kroger's or something. It's going to take a lot more tragic instances and multi-million dollar lawsuits for police officers by large to start driving like they have much sense to go with the guns and flashing lights that make them think they can get away with it.
Guess who else figured out D.A.R.E. doesn't really work all that well? In Newcastle, Australia, an anti-drug and alcohol program sponsored by the New South Wales government featured a helpful little brochure offering tips on speed, including:
"If you don't already have a reliable dealer, try to find one and stick with them."
"When you're using a new batch, only try a little at first ... you can always use the rest later if you need to."
In addition, users are urged to take breaks from using speed, allow time to "come down" so it doesn't interfere with work or study and to carry the phone number of a legal aid solicitor with them. The 35-page booklet, produced by the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre, was part of the drug literature displayed to up to 100 students and parents. Wonder if it had pictures of Amy Winehouse, as well.
Criticism was swift, as a yeshole for Attorney General John Hatzistergos said the Government did not condone the use of illegal drugs, and the AG's office was investigating the matter. Darren Marton, a guest speaker at the event, said the material should never have been seen by teenagers. "One lady who was helping out on the day was physically shaken and had to go outside in tears after reading the brochure." Oh, come the fuck on with that. If this lady was physically shaken and in tears after reading the brochure, I'm willing to bet she isn't stable enough to be allowed in public by herself. Life isn't a black-and-white TV show from the 1950s, and she should bloody well know that. Then again, from the sound of things, she probably gets light-headed at PG-13 movies. The added bonus came from Opposition education spokesman Andrew Stoner, who said a drugs guide was the last thing parents and their children needed. No, sir. Perhaps the last thing needed is someone named Stoner speaking out against drugs. The parody just writes itself at that point.
When I managed to tune into the game, Marc Bulger was riding the bench, and that is where he needs to stay for the remainder of the season, and yes, I know how much money the organization tossed down the crapper on him in his new contract. Ditto that for Steven Jackson, who has rewarded the club with more time on the sidelines in street clothes than on the field since holding out for more money. O-line has been absolutely pathetic this season. Not that backup QB Trent Green fared much better, other than going above and beyond to improve the Bears' sack and interception totals for the year before yielding to third-stringer Brock Berlin. Freakin' yarg...I would say wait until next year, but it may be more realistic to add two, at least three years to that...the way they are playing this year, I could hold the Rams to 9 points (all field goals) and gain three picks, and that is by my damn self. Wouldn't even need the rest of the team. Just me, baby.
Speaking of blind optimism, the Illinois State Police announced new measures covering the operation of cruisers by troopers in the wake of two big lawsuits filed in response to a high-speed crash last year that killed two teenage sisters and injured a couple in the resulting pileup. Former trooper Matt Mitchell, who was going 126 mph when the wreck occurred, has pled not guilty to two counts of reckless homicide in St. Clair County court, and will go to trial early next year. The changes include implementation of a four tier system, as announced by state police director Larry Trent, who added "The long-standing culture of response at all costs is no longer acceptable within the Illinois State Police." We'll see.
Among the changes: at the first tier, trooper are limited to following traffic laws, at the second and third levels, troopers can speed, but must get supervisor approval before going more than 20 mph over the speed limit, and only supervisors may call a "code red," which clears troopers to put the pedal to the floor. In addition, all code red calls will be reviewed by a committee. Additionally, troopers are now required to go hands-free with their cell phones, and are no longer allowed to shut off the dash cameras during emergency call responses. According to the state police, Illinois is now only the second state in the U.S. to restrict trooper speeds. Aren't cops supposed to obey traffic laws in the first fucking place? Secondly, why the hell would a cop shut off the dash cam during an emergency call? I mean, how are these reality "clip" shows to survive? I have a hard time seeing this really make a difference. Cops love to speed. Provable fact. They have, with few exceptions, the fastest cars on the road, taxpayer-funded gas, and most importantly, the law on their side. I still remember one day, coming across the Minton bridge from Indiana into Louisville, and not paying attention to my speed. The speed limit, a mere suggestion on that bridge, is 35 mph, and yet, despite the fact I was going 60, a Louisville Metro cruiser rolled past me like I was holding his ass up for a hot deal on day-olds at Kroger's or something. It's going to take a lot more tragic instances and multi-million dollar lawsuits for police officers by large to start driving like they have much sense to go with the guns and flashing lights that make them think they can get away with it.
Guess who else figured out D.A.R.E. doesn't really work all that well? In Newcastle, Australia, an anti-drug and alcohol program sponsored by the New South Wales government featured a helpful little brochure offering tips on speed, including:
"If you don't already have a reliable dealer, try to find one and stick with them."
"When you're using a new batch, only try a little at first ... you can always use the rest later if you need to."
In addition, users are urged to take breaks from using speed, allow time to "come down" so it doesn't interfere with work or study and to carry the phone number of a legal aid solicitor with them. The 35-page booklet, produced by the National Drug and Alcohol Research Centre, was part of the drug literature displayed to up to 100 students and parents. Wonder if it had pictures of Amy Winehouse, as well.
Criticism was swift, as a yeshole for Attorney General John Hatzistergos said the Government did not condone the use of illegal drugs, and the AG's office was investigating the matter. Darren Marton, a guest speaker at the event, said the material should never have been seen by teenagers. "One lady who was helping out on the day was physically shaken and had to go outside in tears after reading the brochure." Oh, come the fuck on with that. If this lady was physically shaken and in tears after reading the brochure, I'm willing to bet she isn't stable enough to be allowed in public by herself. Life isn't a black-and-white TV show from the 1950s, and she should bloody well know that. Then again, from the sound of things, she probably gets light-headed at PG-13 movies. The added bonus came from Opposition education spokesman Andrew Stoner, who said a drugs guide was the last thing parents and their children needed. No, sir. Perhaps the last thing needed is someone named Stoner speaking out against drugs. The parody just writes itself at that point.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Some stories should surprise me. This one, however, does not
Now that the excitement is ebbing a bit over Barack Obama's historic election to the Presidency of the United States on Tuesday, I'm glad to see a few people still managed to completely miss the fucking point entirely. In Chicago, where an estimated quarter of a million people at Grant Park celebrated Obama's victory over John McCain and some bitch from Alaska, several people were arrested for confusing the Windy City with Mexico, and firing guns to commemorate history in the making.
Celita Hart, a 19 year-old, thought it would be a brilliant political statement to leave a crowd of people chanting Obama's name, walk up to a police car, and bitchslap a male cop in the face. Hart had already been shouting "you white police can't do nothing" before slapping the police officer. Hart, who quickly found out the police, white or otherwise, can damn sure arrest your stupid ass for assaulting an officer, apparently could not get her head wrapped around the concept THE BLACK CANDIDATE WON! Regardless, that doesn't mean run wild in the fucking streets. It's not like either team from Chicago won the World Series or something. Even if Barack Obama was named the new police commissioner of the city of Chicago, that does not mean you can slap cops. Since you apparently learned nothing else from the experience, try to take that home with you...depending on how your bail hearing went. Hope you didn't think it'd be smart to take a swing at the judge while you were at it.
Elsewhere in the city, 24 year-old Kenneth Smith was arrested for firing three shots from a gun at his house, but took the time to complain the cops only arrested him "because a black man won for president." If that was how it really worked, do you honestly think there would even have been a black candidate? Get a grip moron, it's calling firing a gun in the fucking city limits, you stupid motherfucker.
Even money says neither of these fucking rocket surgeons even voted in the first place. Maybe these two idiots were the real reason Oprah and Jesse Jackson were crying during Obama's acceptance speech.
Celita Hart, a 19 year-old, thought it would be a brilliant political statement to leave a crowd of people chanting Obama's name, walk up to a police car, and bitchslap a male cop in the face. Hart had already been shouting "you white police can't do nothing" before slapping the police officer. Hart, who quickly found out the police, white or otherwise, can damn sure arrest your stupid ass for assaulting an officer, apparently could not get her head wrapped around the concept THE BLACK CANDIDATE WON! Regardless, that doesn't mean run wild in the fucking streets. It's not like either team from Chicago won the World Series or something. Even if Barack Obama was named the new police commissioner of the city of Chicago, that does not mean you can slap cops. Since you apparently learned nothing else from the experience, try to take that home with you...depending on how your bail hearing went. Hope you didn't think it'd be smart to take a swing at the judge while you were at it.
Elsewhere in the city, 24 year-old Kenneth Smith was arrested for firing three shots from a gun at his house, but took the time to complain the cops only arrested him "because a black man won for president." If that was how it really worked, do you honestly think there would even have been a black candidate? Get a grip moron, it's calling firing a gun in the fucking city limits, you stupid motherfucker.
Even money says neither of these fucking rocket surgeons even voted in the first place. Maybe these two idiots were the real reason Oprah and Jesse Jackson were crying during Obama's acceptance speech.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Not Point Break, not even a smoke break in this case
It was the greatest bank robbery ever. Bar none. Period. Last week, the greatest bank robber of all time struck the Wells Fargo Bank in New Carlisle, Indiana, scored, and got away, all in under a minute flat.
While it was not disclosed whether or not the greatest bank robbery of all time netted enough cash to qualify as a retirement score, the truly awe-inspiring part of this whole fiasco was the speed involved. Under a minute? You'd be hard pressed to flesh this story out enough to make a feature film about the caper. For God's sake, most movie trailers are longer than the entire robbery, start to finish.
That is not to say, however, all the thought involved, casing the joint, and the intricate, detailed, precise planning produced the perfect crime. When a 911 call was made, it was instead accidentally re-routed to South Bend, some 15 miles from New Carlisle. Ready for the holy damn! moment? The bank was next door to the freakin' New Carlisle Police Department!
How in hell did this guy rob a bank successfully, in under a minute, with balls that big? I mean, honestly, you could call the 911 mishap a lucky fluke, but who tries to rob a bank next door to the freakin' police department?
Then again, unless they figure out what the bug in the system was between New Carlisle and South Bend, and then fix it, who's to say the greatest bank robber of all time, or an admiring copycat won't try to make it 2 for 2? At this point, I wouldn't necessarily bet against him...or the copycat, for that matter...
While it was not disclosed whether or not the greatest bank robbery of all time netted enough cash to qualify as a retirement score, the truly awe-inspiring part of this whole fiasco was the speed involved. Under a minute? You'd be hard pressed to flesh this story out enough to make a feature film about the caper. For God's sake, most movie trailers are longer than the entire robbery, start to finish.
That is not to say, however, all the thought involved, casing the joint, and the intricate, detailed, precise planning produced the perfect crime. When a 911 call was made, it was instead accidentally re-routed to South Bend, some 15 miles from New Carlisle. Ready for the holy damn! moment? The bank was next door to the freakin' New Carlisle Police Department!
How in hell did this guy rob a bank successfully, in under a minute, with balls that big? I mean, honestly, you could call the 911 mishap a lucky fluke, but who tries to rob a bank next door to the freakin' police department?
Then again, unless they figure out what the bug in the system was between New Carlisle and South Bend, and then fix it, who's to say the greatest bank robber of all time, or an admiring copycat won't try to make it 2 for 2? At this point, I wouldn't necessarily bet against him...or the copycat, for that matter...
Thursday, October 30, 2008
re: Eric Momtgomery's call on Probably Uncalled For last night
So what, you got your feelings hurt because I called you a fat bastard? You ARE a fat bastard! You contribute nothing to society, other than selling bootleg DVDs (as admitted on another talk radio show recently), and watching pirated PPV online. Both, last time I checked, are illegal, and you should be ashamed of yourself. You fat bastard.
You want to yell, scream, whine, and cry over MY show? Get over yourself. With all the BS you have talked over the years about being involved in professional wrestling, in various roles, that makes you a public figure, and therefore fair game to the satirical commentary on Probably Uncalled For.
For someone whose only comeback is to call me a druggie, memory serves of a time you advertised (against company policy and against our wishes), a WWA show I promoted and told the masses they could get high at the Shriners Club!
Do whatever is it you think you can do, ya fat bastard, cause the last thing I will ever do is sweat over it. You've never accomplished a thing in your life you can be proud of, and you are flat delusional if you think you can get my show shut down. You're worthless, and this is just further proof. Go get a job, and then keep it, and try to move on with your life. If a caller or someone in the chat room brings your dumb ass up, then yes, it becomes a topic of conversation. Otherwise, your fat ass definitely isn't worth the effort.
Thank you for your time, and support of my talk show,
Thomas Keister
Host, Probably Uncalled For
You want to yell, scream, whine, and cry over MY show? Get over yourself. With all the BS you have talked over the years about being involved in professional wrestling, in various roles, that makes you a public figure, and therefore fair game to the satirical commentary on Probably Uncalled For.
For someone whose only comeback is to call me a druggie, memory serves of a time you advertised (against company policy and against our wishes), a WWA show I promoted and told the masses they could get high at the Shriners Club!
Do whatever is it you think you can do, ya fat bastard, cause the last thing I will ever do is sweat over it. You've never accomplished a thing in your life you can be proud of, and you are flat delusional if you think you can get my show shut down. You're worthless, and this is just further proof. Go get a job, and then keep it, and try to move on with your life. If a caller or someone in the chat room brings your dumb ass up, then yes, it becomes a topic of conversation. Otherwise, your fat ass definitely isn't worth the effort.
Thank you for your time, and support of my talk show,
Thomas Keister
Host, Probably Uncalled For
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Gateway to the Worst: dissention in the ranks at St. Louis?
Yeah, I have heard all the punchlines. It's sure as hell not easy being a St. Louis Rams fan this season, given an 0-3 start where I myself, by myself, could score 17 points against them (why, what are they going to do about it, score a touchdown?) The way they have played this season, playing a game against me, myself, and I might be their best shot.
Much has been made of the decision by Rams' coach Scott Linehan to bench QB Marc Bulger for week 4, even if that means starting concussion magnet Trent Green in his place, but now reports are coming out that RB Steven Jackson openly criticized the move on an St. Louis radio station earlier this week. Jackson's statements were to the effect that you do not bench their "general," a guy that's being overpaid to the tune of $60+ million over the course of his contract. I do not know if Jackson finished college, but someone needs to point out how lousy Bulger has played this season. Two touchdowns in three weeks? How many touchdowns does Jackson have? Oh, yeah...he ain't talking about that, now, is he?
Bulger, who reportedly does not want to play for Linehan anymore, has so far not commented on the benching or Jackson shooting his mouth off. At least there's a little class left in this struggling franchise, at least at present.
Jackson's remarks were exactly the kind of primadonna behavior I thought the Rams franchise was above. No more, apparently. Especially when it comes from Jackson, a guy who went the holdout route at the beginning of the season, only to put up mediocre (yes, Steven Jackson, mediocre is the word I used) numbers since deciding to play this season. Granted, Linehan is struggling himself to right the ship, but to have a player so openly disrespect him, serves the players, the team, its coach, and the fans no favor.
Bottom line, there are two things Steven Jackson needs to do: apologize to Linehan and the team, and then start playing like he's worth the money he held out for in the first place.
Either that, or Linehan should bring Bulger back for week 4, and bench Jackson, so he could see the game from the perspective of someone who should be playing, but has done little to prove why that is.
Much has been made of the decision by Rams' coach Scott Linehan to bench QB Marc Bulger for week 4, even if that means starting concussion magnet Trent Green in his place, but now reports are coming out that RB Steven Jackson openly criticized the move on an St. Louis radio station earlier this week. Jackson's statements were to the effect that you do not bench their "general," a guy that's being overpaid to the tune of $60+ million over the course of his contract. I do not know if Jackson finished college, but someone needs to point out how lousy Bulger has played this season. Two touchdowns in three weeks? How many touchdowns does Jackson have? Oh, yeah...he ain't talking about that, now, is he?
Bulger, who reportedly does not want to play for Linehan anymore, has so far not commented on the benching or Jackson shooting his mouth off. At least there's a little class left in this struggling franchise, at least at present.
Jackson's remarks were exactly the kind of primadonna behavior I thought the Rams franchise was above. No more, apparently. Especially when it comes from Jackson, a guy who went the holdout route at the beginning of the season, only to put up mediocre (yes, Steven Jackson, mediocre is the word I used) numbers since deciding to play this season. Granted, Linehan is struggling himself to right the ship, but to have a player so openly disrespect him, serves the players, the team, its coach, and the fans no favor.
Bottom line, there are two things Steven Jackson needs to do: apologize to Linehan and the team, and then start playing like he's worth the money he held out for in the first place.
Either that, or Linehan should bring Bulger back for week 4, and bench Jackson, so he could see the game from the perspective of someone who should be playing, but has done little to prove why that is.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Saturday morning political post
Sometimes, you get the impression Republicans in Alaska are hoping Sarah Palin will get elected Vice-President because they are Republicans, and others, because she will be in D.C. more than Alaska. At least they hope, one way or another, I suppose. The Senate Judiciary Committee in Alaska voted 3-2 to issue 13 subpoenas in their Troopergate investigation, including one to Todd Palin. The Republican-controlled committee had one member jump party line to help the vote pass, and wouldn't you just know it would be Charles Huggins, who represents Wasilla. And this after the President of the State Senate, another Republican, said in no uncertain terms what she thought of Palin's...ahem...qualification to be Vice-President. Although, when you think about it, doesn't this make Huggins a maverick, a maverick's maverick, and someone who is willing to battle his own party in the battle against corruption, therefore, being absolutely qualified for that position as well? Maybe we can get GOP big wig to give him the precursory 15 minute lookover...
...as for John McCain, he seems to be further distancing himself from reality, recently remarking that running mate Sarah Palin "knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America." Holy damn, Senator, are you shitting me? I'm sure your family may enjoy when you gather around the fire of whichever home it is you currently remember owning and spin tall tales, but could somebody squeaky toy you back to the here and now, cause that certainly isn't the dumbest thing you've ever said, but it certainly is the dumbest thing you said this week...
...Amazing how little time to took for Obama to retaliate in the mudslinging. Not that anybody can blame him, but his recent "When you hear John McCain talking about putting 'Country First,' it's fair to ask- which country?," does sound like it could be questioning McCain's patriotism, although it is doubtful that was the context of the remark. After all, it's not like McCain's done a lot to keep jobs from leaving the country left and right...
...Finally, since it's hard enough for Libertarians to get any coverage, Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr recently scored with a shot across Sarah Palin's bow during the 15th Annual Funniest Celebrity in Washington Contest Wednesday night at the DC Improv club. Barr's line? "Does anybody know what the difference between a bulldog and a hockey mom is?""The bulldog gets vetted!" Damn shame he isn't going to win, although I do like the fact he's polling high in several states thus far in the campaign. The fundraiser also featured former presidential candidate (although eventual contest winner) Mike Huckabee.
...as for John McCain, he seems to be further distancing himself from reality, recently remarking that running mate Sarah Palin "knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America." Holy damn, Senator, are you shitting me? I'm sure your family may enjoy when you gather around the fire of whichever home it is you currently remember owning and spin tall tales, but could somebody squeaky toy you back to the here and now, cause that certainly isn't the dumbest thing you've ever said, but it certainly is the dumbest thing you said this week...
...Amazing how little time to took for Obama to retaliate in the mudslinging. Not that anybody can blame him, but his recent "When you hear John McCain talking about putting 'Country First,' it's fair to ask- which country?," does sound like it could be questioning McCain's patriotism, although it is doubtful that was the context of the remark. After all, it's not like McCain's done a lot to keep jobs from leaving the country left and right...
...Finally, since it's hard enough for Libertarians to get any coverage, Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr recently scored with a shot across Sarah Palin's bow during the 15th Annual Funniest Celebrity in Washington Contest Wednesday night at the DC Improv club. Barr's line? "Does anybody know what the difference between a bulldog and a hockey mom is?""The bulldog gets vetted!" Damn shame he isn't going to win, although I do like the fact he's polling high in several states thus far in the campaign. The fundraiser also featured former presidential candidate (although eventual contest winner) Mike Huckabee.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Ain't no way I'm putting this in my pipe and smoking it
Okay, so let me get this straight. According to a report on Boston.com, Amy Winehouse is now taking a stab at Buddhism. A source, in remarks to Britain's The Sun, said that "Winehouse was introduced to Buddhist chanting by one of her musicians, chanting in the mornings and just before she sleeps", and that "She says chanting is filling her life with positivity." Um. Okay. But I'm guessing since Amy Winehouse is involved, there's has to be a hook. Some massively dumbass thing that makes this story so fucking newsworthy.
The article mentions that "doctors reportedly fear (Winehouse) could be brain damaged after a recent cannabis overdose."
Ah, so there it is. Ahem...What the Fuck? A cannabis overdose? A cannabis overdose? Somehow I'm utterly fucking baffled and not very surprised at the same time. You can not honestly expect anyone, even the people who read Boston.com, apparently, to believe that there is such a thing as a cannabis overdose? That's even dumber than the perpetual mention of Amy Winehouse by MSM and the blogosphere. Yes, I know I'm doing exactly that just by posting this, but seriously, how can you see something as completely ass stupid as that, and not write about it?
All the dozens, hundreds, thousands (?) of ways that Amy Winehouse could have earned her suspected and/or rumored brain damage, and this was the best one they could come up with? What the hell, did they sit around the doctors' lounge with a fat blunt and benchmark this?
You'll excuse me now. It isn't 4:20, but it is breakfast...
The article mentions that "doctors reportedly fear (Winehouse) could be brain damaged after a recent cannabis overdose."
Ah, so there it is. Ahem...What the Fuck? A cannabis overdose? A cannabis overdose? Somehow I'm utterly fucking baffled and not very surprised at the same time. You can not honestly expect anyone, even the people who read Boston.com, apparently, to believe that there is such a thing as a cannabis overdose? That's even dumber than the perpetual mention of Amy Winehouse by MSM and the blogosphere. Yes, I know I'm doing exactly that just by posting this, but seriously, how can you see something as completely ass stupid as that, and not write about it?
All the dozens, hundreds, thousands (?) of ways that Amy Winehouse could have earned her suspected and/or rumored brain damage, and this was the best one they could come up with? What the hell, did they sit around the doctors' lounge with a fat blunt and benchmark this?
You'll excuse me now. It isn't 4:20, but it is breakfast...
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Ah yes, I see the karma is blooming nicely this fall
While uber-douchebag OJ Simpson is used to making headlines for all manners of asinine behavior (murder?) not withstanding, one of my favorites involving the former Heisman winner, NFL star, and so-called actor was getting the boot from Jeff Ruby's Steakhouse in Louisville a while back around the time of the Kentucky Derby, this time around, the Juice got served up an ass whuppin, reportedly at the hands of his 39-year old daughter, Arnelle.
According to a report by the National Enquirer, who somehow have actually managed to gain some journalistic credibility in recent weeks, Simpson and girlfriend Christie Prody were allegedly attacked by Simpson's oldest daughter at their home in Florida last weekend, although Simpson did not want to press charges. WTF? How the hell does OJ fucking Simpson keep getting girlfriends? How the fuck does this happen? Seriously, I mean, what little self-esteem I have left is dwindling fast when THAT piece of shit can keep scoring trim, and I (hypothetically speaking, of course) couldn't get laid after feeding Paris Hilton a swimming pool full of booze. Fuck, I'm just a broke-ass loser, but I never (allegedly or otherwise) killed anybody and (ghost) wrote a "hypothetical" account of "if" I had done it. So how the hell does...aw, fuck it. I wouldn't like the answer even if anyone had an answer.
In his next starring role, Simpson goes on trial in Las Vegas September 8th, on charges of armed robbery and kidnapping, related to a bruhaha with a sports memorabilia dealer last year.
According to a report by the National Enquirer, who somehow have actually managed to gain some journalistic credibility in recent weeks, Simpson and girlfriend Christie Prody were allegedly attacked by Simpson's oldest daughter at their home in Florida last weekend, although Simpson did not want to press charges. WTF? How the hell does OJ fucking Simpson keep getting girlfriends? How the fuck does this happen? Seriously, I mean, what little self-esteem I have left is dwindling fast when THAT piece of shit can keep scoring trim, and I (hypothetically speaking, of course) couldn't get laid after feeding Paris Hilton a swimming pool full of booze. Fuck, I'm just a broke-ass loser, but I never (allegedly or otherwise) killed anybody and (ghost) wrote a "hypothetical" account of "if" I had done it. So how the hell does...aw, fuck it. I wouldn't like the answer even if anyone had an answer.
In his next starring role, Simpson goes on trial in Las Vegas September 8th, on charges of armed robbery and kidnapping, related to a bruhaha with a sports memorabilia dealer last year.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Coming up on an all-new Probably Uncalled For...
Here's just a taste of what we're working on for an all-new Probably Uncalled For live tomorrow night on Blog Talk Radio: the good, the bad, and the WTF of the justice system, some wackiness from the Pope, a new greatest divorce ever, Paris Hilton (of course), Madonna, and just to keep you from getting something full-blown, the weekend box office and coming soon- How to lose your house downloading music!!! Should be more fun than a barrel of Lindsay Lohans during Fleet Week! Tomorrow night. Live. 7:00pm Eastern/4:00pm Pacific
Saturday, April 5, 2008
More great moments in optimism
Part one...You gotta feel bad for Denise Crews, down in MacClenny, Florida. First, she loses her husband, then, some asshat starts stealing the flowers from her husband's grave! Aw, WTF, man?! What's the matter pal, your skank girlfriend no longer turned on by the panty roses you've been dropping three bucks on here and there?
Fed up, and rightfully so, Crews went to the extent of installing a hidden motion-sensitive camera to try and catch the dickhead at work. Nice try, Mrs. Crews, but damned if he didn't take the fucking camera, too!
Well, crap. Some people have identified an older model pickup parked near the grave, and First Coast Crime Stoppers is taking tips on leads. Here's to hoping they find whoever is doing this asinine shit. In a perfect world, Mrs. Crews, they'd let you smash the jerk's hands with the business end of a Louisville Slugger...
Part two...Then again, I suppose some optimism is more altruistic than others. Over in Washington, D.C., a new plan is being tweaked slightly over concerns that people's rights may be abused. The program? Allowing people to call and schedule an appointment for the police to come and check the house for illegal firearms. The program grants amnesty from firearm possession charges, but not for any crimes committed with the gun.
And yet, somehow, people aren't flooding the D.C. police stations with calls to get a gun search booked? I mean, it's not exactly like a radon check or something..."Yes sir, we just moved into our home, and we were wondering if you could swing through and check for any wayward illegal firearms. We're pretty sure nothing was done with them, but we'd like you to come and get them, just in case." I wanna hear the tape of that conversation.
I can't fault them for trying new tactics in the war on crimes, but if they could only figure out some options that seem a little more realistic...
Fed up, and rightfully so, Crews went to the extent of installing a hidden motion-sensitive camera to try and catch the dickhead at work. Nice try, Mrs. Crews, but damned if he didn't take the fucking camera, too!
Well, crap. Some people have identified an older model pickup parked near the grave, and First Coast Crime Stoppers is taking tips on leads. Here's to hoping they find whoever is doing this asinine shit. In a perfect world, Mrs. Crews, they'd let you smash the jerk's hands with the business end of a Louisville Slugger...
Part two...Then again, I suppose some optimism is more altruistic than others. Over in Washington, D.C., a new plan is being tweaked slightly over concerns that people's rights may be abused. The program? Allowing people to call and schedule an appointment for the police to come and check the house for illegal firearms. The program grants amnesty from firearm possession charges, but not for any crimes committed with the gun.
And yet, somehow, people aren't flooding the D.C. police stations with calls to get a gun search booked? I mean, it's not exactly like a radon check or something..."Yes sir, we just moved into our home, and we were wondering if you could swing through and check for any wayward illegal firearms. We're pretty sure nothing was done with them, but we'd like you to come and get them, just in case." I wanna hear the tape of that conversation.
I can't fault them for trying new tactics in the war on crimes, but if they could only figure out some options that seem a little more realistic...
Every dog has it day...behind the wheel
You know how it is...sometimes, collateral damage just happens. Unfortunate, but true. Take for example Mary Stone, of Ogden, Utah. There she was, just trying to check her mail one day, when all of a sudden...BAM!!! Ran the fuck over by a police dog right in front of her mailbox. Stone suffered a broken pelvis as a result of the accident, and recently settled out a claim with the city.
At first glance, you may find yourself thinking "holy damn, how big was the freakin' dog?," but rest assured there are no freakishly large police dogs layin down the law in Ogden, Utah...at least for now. Ranger, a German shepherd not previously identified as a loose cannon, jumped into the front seat of his handler's Ford truck, managing to knock it into gear. Shortly thereafter was when he met Ms. Stone in the awkward fashion one could expect when the dog's driving a truck.
Little in the way of comment was provided by the city of Ogden or its police chief. Neither the Ogden K-9 officer or Ranger had much they were willing to share, but Stone had a parting shot as she walked away from the accident with $300,000 (as opposed to the $580,000 she was asking for): "I would like to get more...if my car had hit a cop, I would be in jail."
Fair enough. On the other hand, it was a human being that ran you over, was it? I'm sure if your dog ran down a police officer in the same set of circumstances, it would most likely be chalked up as an unfortunate, maybe freakish accident...nothing more. Would you perhaps be happier if the Ogden Police Department busted Ranger to desk duty instead?
That could be interesting, though. Can't wait for the headline Dog collates Man; Police Review Board convened
At first glance, you may find yourself thinking "holy damn, how big was the freakin' dog?," but rest assured there are no freakishly large police dogs layin down the law in Ogden, Utah...at least for now. Ranger, a German shepherd not previously identified as a loose cannon, jumped into the front seat of his handler's Ford truck, managing to knock it into gear. Shortly thereafter was when he met Ms. Stone in the awkward fashion one could expect when the dog's driving a truck.
Little in the way of comment was provided by the city of Ogden or its police chief. Neither the Ogden K-9 officer or Ranger had much they were willing to share, but Stone had a parting shot as she walked away from the accident with $300,000 (as opposed to the $580,000 she was asking for): "I would like to get more...if my car had hit a cop, I would be in jail."
Fair enough. On the other hand, it was a human being that ran you over, was it? I'm sure if your dog ran down a police officer in the same set of circumstances, it would most likely be chalked up as an unfortunate, maybe freakish accident...nothing more. Would you perhaps be happier if the Ogden Police Department busted Ranger to desk duty instead?
That could be interesting, though. Can't wait for the headline Dog collates Man; Police Review Board convened
Friday, October 5, 2007
10.5.07
...so, Fred Thompson got a demonstration in drawing power in Iowa, huh? Puts me in mind of the scene in Last Man Standing when Christopher Walken's character says he doesn't want to die in Texas. Thompson and Sen. Barack Obama both booked banquet rooms at the same hotel, creating some fucked-up political algebra question. Two senators deliver 25-minute speeches a hallway apart in the same hotel. Who gets the crowd? Wasn't much of a fight, folks. Thompson drew less than 100 people. Obama, a little over 1,000. Yep, can't wait to see Thompson back in movies real soon. Maybe a guest shot on Law and Order...
...glad to see oblivion has taken a slight hold at Time magazine. On October 2, Time.com featured an article entitled Christianity's Image Problem, in which a poll revealed an increasing number of Americans said they had a bad impression of Christianity-at-present. A key statistic to consider was the 75% of those polled who said that Christianity had become "too involved in politics." And to think, just last month Time, in cooperation with Beliefnet.com, launched a God-o-meter, to track presidential candidates' use of religion while campaigning for 2008. Way to pretend you aren't part of the issue you are reporting. At least nobody's making shit up for you all, just yet...
...it may seem odd to follow up some politics with a story about a rapist, but after six years of the Bush administration, it's basically the same thing. Anyhow, up in Washington state, a county sheriff was preparing to take to the airwaves to ask for help in tracking down a rape suspect, when the suspect walked right on by. You know what they say, timing is everything. The suspect was actually on his second attempt to turn himself in, if you can fucking believe this. Earlier, he had tried to turn himself in at the county jail, but was told he would have to go to the police department if he wanted to do that. WTF? Seriously, what the fuck is that? According to jail officials, the suspect was directed to the police because he had no ID to back up his claim that he was a wanted suspect. Again...What the fuck? So, if some guy shows up at the county jail with a dripping hatchet in one hand, severed human leg (presumably not his) in the other, the jailers are going to tell him to take that shit downtown?...stay tuned on that one...I don't think it's far off, now...
Blog Talk RadioProbably Uncalled ForThomas Keisterppdinglesinternet radiohumoropinionentertainmentnewspoliticssocietycommentarypop cultureFred ThompsonBarack ObamaIowaChristopher WalkenTexasLast Man StandingTimeChristianityBeliefnet.comLaw and OrderpoliticsrapeWashington
...glad to see oblivion has taken a slight hold at Time magazine. On October 2, Time.com featured an article entitled Christianity's Image Problem, in which a poll revealed an increasing number of Americans said they had a bad impression of Christianity-at-present. A key statistic to consider was the 75% of those polled who said that Christianity had become "too involved in politics." And to think, just last month Time, in cooperation with Beliefnet.com, launched a God-o-meter, to track presidential candidates' use of religion while campaigning for 2008. Way to pretend you aren't part of the issue you are reporting. At least nobody's making shit up for you all, just yet...
...it may seem odd to follow up some politics with a story about a rapist, but after six years of the Bush administration, it's basically the same thing. Anyhow, up in Washington state, a county sheriff was preparing to take to the airwaves to ask for help in tracking down a rape suspect, when the suspect walked right on by. You know what they say, timing is everything. The suspect was actually on his second attempt to turn himself in, if you can fucking believe this. Earlier, he had tried to turn himself in at the county jail, but was told he would have to go to the police department if he wanted to do that. WTF? Seriously, what the fuck is that? According to jail officials, the suspect was directed to the police because he had no ID to back up his claim that he was a wanted suspect. Again...What the fuck? So, if some guy shows up at the county jail with a dripping hatchet in one hand, severed human leg (presumably not his) in the other, the jailers are going to tell him to take that shit downtown?...stay tuned on that one...I don't think it's far off, now...
Blog Talk RadioProbably Uncalled ForThomas Keisterppdinglesinternet radiohumoropinionentertainmentnewspoliticssocietycommentarypop cultureFred ThompsonBarack ObamaIowaChristopher WalkenTexasLast Man StandingTimeChristianityBeliefnet.comLaw and OrderpoliticsrapeWashington
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