Flat tires all around, and guess who's getting asked for a jack?

Well, I'm glad to see it's back to business as usual. Yesterday, the CEOs of General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler, along with the president of the United Auto Workers met with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to hold hands out for even more federal aid. General Motors, in a statement, said the effort was to help "the competitive U.S. auto industry contribute to our nation's economic revival." How very. It seems in recent months, the only competition the auto industry has had is seeing who can rack up bigger volumes of unsold (read low mileage) vehicles, due to the industry's inability to develop anything other than massive pick-ups and sport utility vehicles.

In addition to help in getting their mitts on federal bailout monies from the Treasury Department or the Federal Reserve, the auto industry is wanting $25 billion in federal loans, so they can pay future health care costs for retirees. Perfect. The industry makes a deal with the unions just over a year ago, and now they can't figure out how to pay for it. According to Rep. John Dingell (D-MI), the automakers will use the money to "invest in jobs and opportunities for American workers and American industry." Again, how very. General Motors, in particular, is burning through a billion dollars a month, and all of a sudden, they want two years of blow-through cash to invest in jobs and opportunities? Then why, I need to know, are Ford and GM planning job cuts, if they are getting ready to invest in jobs? Are these the same jobs the UAW helps price workers out of in a matter of years? Will Ford, GM, and Chrysler continue to operate in the exact same fashion, on the taxpayers' dime, or will they actually invest in fuel-efficient technologies and production capabilities to prevent these vehicles from costing $30 grand a piece?

If the new, stronger Democratic Congress and Senate wants to help the auto industry, then what they should do is wait the 100 days that GM says is so critical for the auto industry, see who is still standing, and then for clearer ideas of how exactly the bailout cash will be used for good. The last thing the American people need is the loss of these auto jobs, I grant you, but at the same stroke, not if it means coughing up bonus money for the ineffectual chief executives that helped steer the industry into the less-than-stellar shape they're in? Then again, we are talking about Nancy Pelosi, who never met a problem she couldn't throw a blank check at, so Lord only knows...

At Ford, quality may be job #1, but shouldn't common sense be in the top 3 somewhere?

Let me see if I got this straight...according to Alan Mulally, chief executive officer of Ford Motor Company, the economic slump will be "longer and deeper" than most people previously thought. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Perhaps it was the $110 billion in asinine "sweeteners" tacked on to the bailout plan's second take, which surprised absolutely no one, as did the fact the second bailout passed with little of the hemming and hawing that punctuated the first attempt.

Never mind the idea that a guy making $26 million a year to drive a major (and formerly venerable) corporation into the ground like a tent stake is talking about economic slumps. I would say Mulally has taken pages from the Carly Fiorina playbook of business management, but something tells me it was just the playbook's lone page, which Fiorina didn't even bother coloring in completely.

Mulally didn't stop there while making remarks at the Paris auto show, making the non-statement that what makes it harder for everybody (the auto industry) is slowing global auto sales, and confirming that bankruptcy is not an option on the table for Ford. First, consistently sticking with vehicles featuring poor gas mileage performance, and that includes the so-called "crossovers" is what has led to, in large part, slowing global auto sales. Secondly, why would bankruptcy be an option? The guy in a long free-fall isn't so much worried about the view on the way down, just at what point rock bottom's going to arrive.

Every dog has it day...behind the wheel

You know how it is...sometimes, collateral damage just happens. Unfortunate, but true. Take for example Mary Stone, of Ogden, Utah. There she was, just trying to check her mail one day, when all of a sudden...BAM!!! Ran the fuck over by a police dog right in front of her mailbox. Stone suffered a broken pelvis as a result of the accident, and recently settled out a claim with the city.

At first glance, you may find yourself thinking "holy damn, how big was the freakin' dog?," but rest assured there are no freakishly large police dogs layin down the law in Ogden, Utah...at least for now. Ranger, a German shepherd not previously identified as a loose cannon, jumped into the front seat of his handler's Ford truck, managing to knock it into gear. Shortly thereafter was when he met Ms. Stone in the awkward fashion one could expect when the dog's driving a truck.

Little in the way of comment was provided by the city of Ogden or its police chief. Neither the Ogden K-9 officer or Ranger had much they were willing to share, but Stone had a parting shot as she walked away from the accident with $300,000 (as opposed to the $580,000 she was asking for): "I would like to get more...if my car had hit a cop, I would be in jail."

Fair enough. On the other hand, it was a human being that ran you over, was it? I'm sure if your dog ran down a police officer in the same set of circumstances, it would most likely be chalked up as an unfortunate, maybe freakish accident...nothing more. Would you perhaps be happier if the Ogden Police Department busted Ranger to desk duty instead?

That could be interesting, though. Can't wait for the headline Dog collates Man; Police Review Board convened