The Daily Breakdown - 11.26.08

In what has to be a performance sure to be nominated for Best Ass-Kissing in a supporting role, Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) had this to say about the job President-elect Barack Obama has done thus far: "Everything that President-elect Obama has done since election night has been just about perfect, both in terms of a tone and also in terms of the strength of the names that have either been announced or are being discussed to fill his administration."

Wow. For a guy who just a couple months ago was saying we'd all wind up dead, more or less, if we elected Obama, the 180 degree turn couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact Obama helped out when it came time for the Democrats to slap Lieberman's wrist and take away the chairmanship of a b-level subcommittee, could it? I can appreciate the fact Obama is trying to bridge both sides of the aisle, but it would probably be a little less awkward for all parties concerned if Lieberman was slightly less obvious fumbling for our next president's zipper. Connecticut Dems are set to meet December 17 to determine whether or not to censure Lieberman for the bang-up job he did campaigning for the other guy during the nearly two year presidential campaign, although I expect them to simply smack the wrist the Democratic Caucus missed the first time around. If they do, should we brace for Lieberman lobbying the Catholic church to consider President-elect Obama for sainthood? I wouldn't rule it out, as this point...

Meanwhile, some more believable acting was taking place at Osaka University in Japan, as a Wakamaru robot, designed by Mitsubishi Heavy Industry as a domestic robot/companion for the elderly, appeared in Hataraku Watashi (I, Worker for those not fluent in the Japanese), a short play, alongside human actors. This is being called a first in robot-human artistic collaboration. The 3 foot tall, 66 pound robot didn't have any trouble with its lines, so I can clearly see the benefits. I mean, realistically, this is the precursor to Futurama's Calculon, so that in its own is pretty damn cool.

However, at the same time, I can also see trouble on the horizon. Not only do I have the mental image of hi-tech tentacle porn springing up in Japan in the future, just wait until acting robots start expressing a desire to adopt half the children of some third world toilet country, or flashing their mechanical junk climbing out of a car at the MTV Movie Awards. Then again, the damn things would probably think up better names than Bronx Mowgli for their offspring...

To wrap it up today, we also have a nominee for Worst Religious Defense. Felicia Johnson, of Marietta, Georgia, somehow came under the impression that her roommate's belongings were possessed, so she did what any...ahem...rational person would do. She set the shit on fire. Placing the items in two piles, one in the fireplace and the other on the balcony, Johnson then set the matches, or the bic lighter, or the torch she also uses to chase monsters from the kingdom to the stuff, causing minimal damage to the apartment. No word was given as to whether or not the "evil spirits" took the hint and got the fuck out of Dodge. Not surprisingly, Johnson was arrested and charged with first degree arson, and even less surprising, was taken to a local hospital for a mental evaluation. Maybe someone should have told her to just spend a couple of bucks and have an exorcism done instead. Sure, it's a little noisier, but the best part is, it probably will not affect your security deposit. I can see it now...next on PBS, This Old Exorcism, as today, we'll be clearing the devil from a pair of possessed end tables and a bathroom throw rug with some evil intentions.

The Daily Breakdown - 11.22.08

Interesting read, checking out Kerry Picket's post on NewsBusters.org on President-elect Obama's attorney general pick, Eric Holder. Holder, a former deputy AG during the Clinton administration, made the following remark after learning the Columbine High School shooters had learned bomb-making skills online: "The court has really struck down every government effort to try to regulate it. We tried with regard to pornography. It is gonna be a difficult thing, but it seems to me that if we can come up with reasonable restrictions, reasonable regulations in how people interact on the Internet, that is something that the Supreme Court and the courts ought to favorably look at."

Intriguing and a little unsettling. For a President-elect who used the Internet more effectively than any other political candidate since its integration into the mainstream, and more to the point supports net neutrality, this seems a little contradictory. Additionally, Holder has advocated for a federal hate crimes law, nothing wrong at all with that, but throw in an unfortunate "Sarah Palin" like moment, when asked in 1998 to name specific cases where states had not prosecuted hate crimes while testifying before Congress, he couldn't do it. Couldn't name one. Later, Holder did send written answers to Sen. Arlen Specter, listing three such cases, but the only problem was the defendants had all been acquitted in federal prosecutions.

I have sat back, waiting to see what the Obama administration accomplishes first before making any real comments about the fact it is shaping up to be a new administration with the entire Clinton White House staff on board, but I can't say I'm now overly impressed with this pick for Attorney General. I think the public is due an answer as to whether or not Eric Holder is going to tackle more pressing matters of law, or simply pick up an illogical crusade against the Internet. Time will tell, I guess...

You just have to love a country where a person can pretty much file a lawsuit for any damn reason, no matter how absolutely fucking asinine the reason. The case, set to be heard in a Collier County, Florida court, centers around a woman who was unsatisfied with the remedies to her, ahem, "problems" provided by Doris Palm & Card Reading. Eumanthe Dufrene, of Naples, Florida, said she was promised a money-back guarantee if she wasn't happy, but thus far has not received satisfaction, psychic or otherwise. The $13,200 paid out was to battle the forces of "evil," as well as "grave calamities," which were around Dufrene's family members. Yeah, while it would be more than fair to call me a skeptic, going beyond that, who the hell believes they are going to get a money-back guarantee from a freakin' palm reader. What lawyer, outside of those who practice from strip malls, takes cases like this? Theft? I don't think so, lady. You paid for these services. Deceptive trade practices? Maybe if you got something in writing on the money-back guarantee. Fraud? Lady, you went to a fucking psychic. Makes me wonder if the palm reader can countersue for legal costs in defending herself from someone that utterly fucking stupid to begin with. While I'm no master of predictions, or any of that other crystal ball bullshit, allow me to predict one of two things: either this is going to get tossed out for the waste of the court's time and taxpayer's money that it is, or Dufrene's lawsuit will ultimately be the fail it is at face value. And no, ladies and gentlemen, I do NOT offer a money-back guarantee on my prognostications of future-type events, so leave the shysters alone...

Taking out ad space on tests and exams? I can dig it. California teacher Tom Farber came up with the idea after seeing the usual ads on public buses and at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, and figured this would be an ideal way to bolster his budget for printing materials for his class, which had been recently cut by the Poway Unified School District. That has turned out to be the typical response from coast to coast, rather than cutting staff, the school districts have been putting the axe to materials and supplies. Sounds more like no faculty member left behind. The ads, which run $10 for a quiz, $20 for a chapter test, and $30 for a semester final, have allowed Farber to more than pay for the gap in his printing costs the budget cut left him, with the remainder going to the math department at his school, to help out the other teachers. The ads, which are usually local businesses or personal quotes, only appear on the front page of the quizzes and tests, and must be appropriate, so don't go thinking you can promote your hot amateur porn site through Farber's calculus tests. The damnedest thing of all about this idea? The students are actually checking out and paying attention to the ads. If you can get behind this idea, and you want to contact Farber regarding ad space, hit him up with an email at tfarber@powayusd.com

But on the other side of the country, there is the usual controversy brewing, this time over a cafeteria/playground aide at D'Ippolito Elementary. Louisa Tuck, the aide under fire, was once known as Crystal Gunns, an adult film star. In typical overreaction style, parents demanded the school district take some kind of measure against Tuck, and when the district looked into their options, their lawyers advised against doing anything, as Tuck had not done anything illegal. While some parents do not see this as a big issue, the school superintendent and the district are taking a closer look to see what their options are. What a load of shit. With all the yelling and screaming that was done over the last few months about our President-elect's past associations, such as they were, with William Ayers, the fact of the matter remains that Ayers is a teacher, and apparently a very good one at that. So how then, is a retired porn star that big a deal? For all their worries over a former adult movie actress, maybe the offended parents and district muckety mucks need to remove their heads from their asses. Bottom line, she has done nothing wrong, and to try and remove her from her job based on previous careers, sends the wrong message all the way around.

The Daily Breakdown - 11.21.08

KISS co-founder and bassist Gene Simmons is a little pissed that once again, the band is not on the short list for induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and honest to God, who can blame him? The band's been around since 1974, sold well over 100 million albums, and have influenced an untold number of bands. For crap's sake, even country artists have done covers of KISS hits from years' past. Yet, even Blondie is in the Hall of Fame and "The Hottest Band in the Land" isn't. I know there's a bit of stuff already heaped on President-elect Barack Obama's plate, but at the rate this is going, can we ask for an executive order, since apparently the hall of fame's foundation and it chair, Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner will consider any musical act on earth before they will consider KISS, and what a travesty. The inductees will be announced in January, with the induction ceremony in Cleveland on April 4. Simmons, while speaking at the recent Billboard Touring Conference, had this to say about the higher-ups in the hall of fame foundation, saying "A lot of those guys on the board can go and get my sandwich when I want, and I mean that in the nicest way." Not that I presume to be qualified to dish advice to Gene Simmons, but seeing how these guys apparently view your band, do you really want them handling your food?...

Since the subject of touring came up, here comes Chad Kroeger of Nickelback, whom you know as the band doing their level-headed best to reinvent the concept of "cookie-cutter" acts. Don't look at me that way. I like some of their songs, but overall, if you have one single by Nickelback on your mp3, you pretty much have the entire band's catalogue. Kroeger bemoaned the "lack of decent rock bands" in a recent interview, adding "Set down the 'Guitar Hero' learn how to play an actual guitar and start a band, because it's hard to find more bands to put a solid rock-and-roll package together." Um...yeah...sounds like someone's pissed cause more people aren't playing their songs on the game. Look, Chad, I can't help it I would much rather prefer to jam on Anarchy in the UK when I play Guitar Hero, but that's no reason to start shilling for a credit card company. Besides, lighten up...the way the music industry has apparently went, you'll be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame before KISS, and again I say, what a travesty. Now shut up and go change the name of all your songs for a new album...

Meanwhile, in Switzerland, controversy is flaring, albeit in small doses, over new requirements for those being drafted by the Swiss army. Drinkers, pot smokers, and those used to rollin' on some phat X while waving glow sticks around like some real stupid motherfucker? Yeah, you're good, although no mention was made as to whether or not new conscripts had to bring enough for everybody. Who isn't the Swiss army looking for? Skinny motherfuckers and vegans. Yep, you read that right. Under the new rules, those who eat no animal products or weigh less than 8 stone (however much the fuck that is) are apparently not fit for service. Swiss politician Josef Lang weighted in by cracking that "half the male population will now become vegans.” Hey, why not? Hell of a lot easier than hightailing it to Canada. Also, what the fuck does the Swiss army even do, guard the pocket knifes, chocolates, and clocks? No, seriously...what do they do?...

And of course, what good would I be if I didn't chime in on the unfortunate Sarah Palin-Slaughterhouse interview debacle from the other day? As everyone on the fucking planet is aware of by now, utterly clueless Alaska Governor Sarah Palin took time from her busy schedule of planning Bristol's shotgun wedding and reading every publication printed in the known universe to "pardon" a turkey in her hometown of Wasilla. Funny, for someone who probably still doesn't know what the hell the Vice-President's job description is, she has the whole "pardon the turkey for Thanksgiving" thing down, just like she's practicing to be President herself one day, right? Wrong. After pardoning the gobbler, she proceeded to give an interview, because if there is anything Palin loves more than animals (she even called herself a "friend of all creatures," but did not elaborate if that included those you could shoot from a helicopter), it is the sound of her own voice. Ask her, and she'll even be the first to tell you, if she understands the question, that is. Damn media and such.

Only problem? The only people in Alaska that may be even less competent than Sarah Palin would appear to be her handlers. As Palin was gumbumping for the cameras, the scene right behind her was even more grisly, and that is a feat in its own. After pardoning the turkey, she went right on grinning as the also-rans were fed to the machine, bwah ha ha! Palin has since reverted to her second favorite activity, feigning ignorance, saying that she had no idea that was going on behind her, even though the much played video shows her at one point looking over at the guy taking care of future dinners across the state. Of course, that leaves the debate wide open as to whether or not she's feigning the ignorance, but I'll have to leave that for later.

While I'm not exactly counting anybody out of contention in 2012, I will say Sarah Palin is already on my short list for NOT having a shot at the White House in '12, but to be fair, she is also on my short list as having a really good shot at winning the Presidency in the crucial election the day after hell freezes right the fuck over.

Some stories should surprise me. This one, however, does not

Now that the excitement is ebbing a bit over Barack Obama's historic election to the Presidency of the United States on Tuesday, I'm glad to see a few people still managed to completely miss the fucking point entirely. In Chicago, where an estimated quarter of a million people at Grant Park celebrated Obama's victory over John McCain and some bitch from Alaska, several people were arrested for confusing the Windy City with Mexico, and firing guns to commemorate history in the making.

Celita Hart, a 19 year-old, thought it would be a brilliant political statement to leave a crowd of people chanting Obama's name, walk up to a police car, and bitchslap a male cop in the face. Hart had already been shouting "you white police can't do nothing" before slapping the police officer. Hart, who quickly found out the police, white or otherwise, can damn sure arrest your stupid ass for assaulting an officer, apparently could not get her head wrapped around the concept THE BLACK CANDIDATE WON! Regardless, that doesn't mean run wild in the fucking streets. It's not like either team from Chicago won the World Series or something. Even if Barack Obama was named the new police commissioner of the city of Chicago, that does not mean you can slap cops. Since you apparently learned nothing else from the experience, try to take that home with you...depending on how your bail hearing went. Hope you didn't think it'd be smart to take a swing at the judge while you were at it.

Elsewhere in the city, 24 year-old Kenneth Smith was arrested for firing three shots from a gun at his house, but took the time to complain the cops only arrested him "because a black man won for president." If that was how it really worked, do you honestly think there would even have been a black candidate? Get a grip moron, it's calling firing a gun in the fucking city limits, you stupid motherfucker.

Even money says neither of these fucking rocket surgeons even voted in the first place. Maybe these two idiots were the real reason Oprah and Jesse Jackson were crying during Obama's acceptance speech.

Palin's reflection of herself? Yeah, don't stare too long...

Kathleen Parker wrote in her syndicated column yesterday wondering how the mainstream media can improve their image. Other than actually acting like most journalists used to, I can't think of a more solid, or to the point answer.

Worrying about Barack Obama's so-called connection with former 60's radical William Ayers, but nary touching a stone about the governor of Alaska not only addressing the convention of a secessionist group (of which her husband was, and may yet still be a member of) and letting the group know to "keep up the good work" could be a good starting point. That the sitting governor of a state apparently agrees with the stances of a group that wants the very state he or she runs should be more of a focus than that of a charity board, on whom both Democrats and Republicans have served in the past.

Wringing hands over Barack Obama's attendance of a church whose pastor has occasionally made what could be considered inflammatory remarks in the past should pale slightly in comparison with Palin's one-time (or current, I keep losing the scorecard) pastor, who flat honestly believes in witchcraft, or John McCain's past endorsements from some the most half-baked elements of intolerance disguised as representatives of Christianity. If anything, credit could be extended to Palin for somehow making the case that we might be able to accept a Wiccan or Pagan practitioner in the White House. After all, witchcraft is as witchcraft does, I suppose.

The concept that Sarah Palin knows very little about important policy areas such as foreign policy may be brushed off, in comparison with presidents and vice-presidents past, although to the best of my knowledge, none of the previous ever used "well, I have heard of them before" as an answer to questions of capability. I have heard of base jumping, but you'll never get my pale white behind on the ledge of a skyscraper, parachute or otherwise, so I hardly think my mere knowledge qualifies me to run a base jump association. Rather, it is her more-than-apparent flexibility with the nutcases who attend her rallies yelling "kill him!" in reference to one of her opponents. It would be far less disconcerting if Palin were simply just in favor of succession from the nation by Alaska than in trying her level-headed best to get a presidential candidate shot.

It is Parker's opinion that Palin's supporters see themselves in her, and ultimately, how frightening could that wind up being, given the people that Palin herself has been palling around with? Parker asserts that Palin's "lack of polish and knowledge feels like an absence of slickness and glibness" to her supporters.

That's just flat wrong. After eight years of an administration utterly void of slickness, that perpetuation cannot be allowed to continue unchecked. Glibness? That might be great fodder for a cocktail party, but hardly in relation to the White House. Palin's got polish, folks, but let's not kid ourselves here. She's been polished with a dangerously crazy rag, and we are already seeing more than enough evidence of how the fumes have gotten to her.

Saturday morning political post

Sometimes, you get the impression Republicans in Alaska are hoping Sarah Palin will get elected Vice-President because they are Republicans, and others, because she will be in D.C. more than Alaska. At least they hope, one way or another, I suppose. The Senate Judiciary Committee in Alaska voted 3-2 to issue 13 subpoenas in their Troopergate investigation, including one to Todd Palin. The Republican-controlled committee had one member jump party line to help the vote pass, and wouldn't you just know it would be Charles Huggins, who represents Wasilla. And this after the President of the State Senate, another Republican, said in no uncertain terms what she thought of Palin's...ahem...qualification to be Vice-President. Although, when you think about it, doesn't this make Huggins a maverick, a maverick's maverick, and someone who is willing to battle his own party in the battle against corruption, therefore, being absolutely qualified for that position as well? Maybe we can get GOP big wig to give him the precursory 15 minute lookover...

...as for John McCain, he seems to be further distancing himself from reality, recently remarking that running mate Sarah Palin "knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America." Holy damn, Senator, are you shitting me? I'm sure your family may enjoy when you gather around the fire of whichever home it is you currently remember owning and spin tall tales, but could somebody squeaky toy you back to the here and now, cause that certainly isn't the dumbest thing you've ever said, but it certainly is the dumbest thing you said this week...

...Amazing how little time to took for Obama to retaliate in the mudslinging. Not that anybody can blame him, but his recent "When you hear John McCain talking about putting 'Country First,' it's fair to ask- which country?," does sound like it could be questioning McCain's patriotism, although it is doubtful that was the context of the remark. After all, it's not like McCain's done a lot to keep jobs from leaving the country left and right...

...Finally, since it's hard enough for Libertarians to get any coverage, Libertarian presidential candidate Bob Barr recently scored with a shot across Sarah Palin's bow during the 15th Annual Funniest Celebrity in Washington Contest Wednesday night at the DC Improv club. Barr's line? "Does anybody know what the difference between a bulldog and a hockey mom is?""The bulldog gets vetted!" Damn shame he isn't going to win, although I do like the fact he's polling high in several states thus far in the campaign. The fundraiser also featured former presidential candidate (although eventual contest winner) Mike Huckabee.

Cause I'm Mom, Damnit #6

My son says I have been slacking off on my writing, and it's true, but the news is just so depressing you get tired of writing about it.

Like Sarah Palin. I tell you, I am already sick of the name and wish I had never heard it. For the love of God, you would think she is the second coming of Joan of Arc or a female Pied Piper, when all she is, is a politician! We all know a politician will say anything to get elected, then not recall anything they've said once in office.

As I've said before, just get this election over with. If we get McCain/Palin, the rich will get richer, and the poor will get poorer. If we get Obama/Biden, I don't think we'll see much change, because Congress runs this country, and we've seen their performance over the last eight years.

This country was formed in part because its citizens did not like taxation without representation, and two hundred years later, we still have taxation without representation!

So really, all we can look forward to us business as usual, we just have to watch and listen to all the games before we get there!

Get over it...

I know Hilary Clinton's followers would have loved to see her get the Democratic presidential nomination, but hey folks, it just wasn't to be. You should be proud that she made it as far as she did, further than any other woman has. Look at the 1984 Democratic vice-presidential nominee, Geraldine Ferraro, was was turned to mince meat on the campaign trail.

Apparently, to be considered for the highest two elected offices in the land anymore, you have to be squeaky clean from birth. Hate to tell you all this, but any kind of clean is in short supply once most people get elected and gain any sort of power.

As for their claims of a "dream ticket" of Barack Obama-Hilary Clinton, that is just it- a dream. Most people are having a hard enough time considering Obama for the presidency. Put a woman into the mix as his running mate and I believe that is simply just too much change for many at one time.

So let's just get this election over with and deal with the fall out later...

Cause I'm Mom, Damnit! #5

I will just never understand people- some of the very same people who have complained long and loud about the Bush administration say they will vote for John McCain rather than Barack Obama! If they do this, they might as well have kept quiet the last eight years.

In case someone has forgotten to tell them, there is an alternative, vote for Bob Barr, Libertarian Party candidate for President!

I think it is pretty obvious that if John McCain is elected president, he will find a way to restore the draft. Can this country never learn from its mistakes? You would think that Vietnam and now the current quagmire in Iraq and Afghanistan would have brought this point home once and for all!

I think all Americans know, even those who don't wish to admit it, that the Bush administration has thoroughly trashed America's image on the world stage.

Now we have the ongoing hoopla of a presidential campaign that has gone on seven steps past forever! I have heard the media make less ballyhoo over Oscar nominees than has been reported on the identity of the potential Democratic vice-presidential pick for Obama. Instead of covering the issues that really matter to the majority of Americans, they let one candidate slide on pretty well everything.

John McCain apparently believes that having been a prisoner of war for 5 1/2 years, 35 to 40 years ago, makes him the only one qualified to be President! I, although never a POW, served 6 years in the United States Army, 35 to 40 years ago, so am I equally qualified to be President?

It just gets more and more ludicrous day by day that a man whose yearly budget for his servants is more than most 20 Americans combined even make in a year, and this is a guy who isn't even sure of how many houses he has, doesn't know what kind of car he drives, and he is supposed to be able to lead this country out of quagmires both military and financial? I think not!

10.5.07

...so, Fred Thompson got a demonstration in drawing power in Iowa, huh? Puts me in mind of the scene in Last Man Standing when Christopher Walken's character says he doesn't want to die in Texas. Thompson and Sen. Barack Obama both booked banquet rooms at the same hotel, creating some fucked-up political algebra question. Two senators deliver 25-minute speeches a hallway apart in the same hotel. Who gets the crowd? Wasn't much of a fight, folks. Thompson drew less than 100 people. Obama, a little over 1,000. Yep, can't wait to see Thompson back in movies real soon. Maybe a guest shot on Law and Order...

...glad to see oblivion has taken a slight hold at Time magazine. On October 2, Time.com featured an article entitled Christianity's Image Problem, in which a poll revealed an increasing number of Americans said they had a bad impression of Christianity-at-present. A key statistic to consider was the 75% of those polled who said that Christianity had become "too involved in politics." And to think, just last month Time, in cooperation with Beliefnet.com, launched a God-o-meter, to track presidential candidates' use of religion while campaigning for 2008. Way to pretend you aren't part of the issue you are reporting. At least nobody's making shit up for you all, just yet...

...it may seem odd to follow up some politics with a story about a rapist, but after six years of the Bush administration, it's basically the same thing. Anyhow, up in Washington state, a county sheriff was preparing to take to the airwaves to ask for help in tracking down a rape suspect, when the suspect walked right on by. You know what they say, timing is everything. The suspect was actually on his second attempt to turn himself in, if you can fucking believe this. Earlier, he had tried to turn himself in at the county jail, but was told he would have to go to the police department if he wanted to do that. WTF? Seriously, what the fuck is that? According to jail officials, the suspect was directed to the police because he had no ID to back up his claim that he was a wanted suspect. Again...What the fuck? So, if some guy shows up at the county jail with a dripping hatchet in one hand, severed human leg (presumably not his) in the other, the jailers are going to tell him to take that shit downtown?...stay tuned on that one...I don't think it's far off, now...

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