Wonder if this interrupted helping McCain blow out the candles on his birthday cake?

While John McCain was having Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin metaphorically jump from his birthday cake yesterday, announcing her puzzling selection as the GOP vice-presidential candidate, President Bush was attempting to look busy, you know, now that the sand's almost run through the hourglass on his presidency (and thank God or your personal deity of choice for that).

Early this morning, according to reports from the AP, Bush was in contact with the governors of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Texas, co-ordinating efforts to brace for the impending arrival of Hurricane Gustav, which has hit wind speeds of up to 120mph as it prepares to bitchslap Cuba on its way to the United States. White House yeshole Scott Stanzel said Bush told the governors of those states they'd have the full support of the federal government.

I'm sure that made a lot of people feel better- as they were getting the fuck out of Dodge, so to speak. I'll bet the consensus is simple "keep your jacked-up FEMA trailers, and go read to some kids or something." I'm sure Bush could use a little help on his phonics, and who better to assist than some NCLB "success" stories? Of course, knowing our, ahem, president, he'll wind up bringing a pop-up book with him.

Here's to hoping for the best for the Gulf Coast, although personally, I think they're fucked...

Cause I'm Mom, Damnit! #5

I will just never understand people- some of the very same people who have complained long and loud about the Bush administration say they will vote for John McCain rather than Barack Obama! If they do this, they might as well have kept quiet the last eight years.

In case someone has forgotten to tell them, there is an alternative, vote for Bob Barr, Libertarian Party candidate for President!

I think it is pretty obvious that if John McCain is elected president, he will find a way to restore the draft. Can this country never learn from its mistakes? You would think that Vietnam and now the current quagmire in Iraq and Afghanistan would have brought this point home once and for all!

I think all Americans know, even those who don't wish to admit it, that the Bush administration has thoroughly trashed America's image on the world stage.

Now we have the ongoing hoopla of a presidential campaign that has gone on seven steps past forever! I have heard the media make less ballyhoo over Oscar nominees than has been reported on the identity of the potential Democratic vice-presidential pick for Obama. Instead of covering the issues that really matter to the majority of Americans, they let one candidate slide on pretty well everything.

John McCain apparently believes that having been a prisoner of war for 5 1/2 years, 35 to 40 years ago, makes him the only one qualified to be President! I, although never a POW, served 6 years in the United States Army, 35 to 40 years ago, so am I equally qualified to be President?

It just gets more and more ludicrous day by day that a man whose yearly budget for his servants is more than most 20 Americans combined even make in a year, and this is a guy who isn't even sure of how many houses he has, doesn't know what kind of car he drives, and he is supposed to be able to lead this country out of quagmires both military and financial? I think not!

Experience? No, seriously, what else you got?

I keep hearing on the news and from the talking heads that Sen. Barack Obama is too young and inexperienced to be president. Well, I'm here to tell you that is GW was old enough and experienced enough to create the quagmire he has in the last eight years, maybe that is what we need- young and inexperienced.

From what I have read, the job of president is pretty well on-the-job training! As former President Bill Clinton has said, he learned a lot about being president his first year in office.

So really what the election boils down to is who you dislike the least.

Probably Uncalled For Episode 47 Wrap-up

So, according to the Migration Policy Institute, Los Angeles is on the verge of becoming a "Third World city," is it? Hmmm. That actually kind of makes sense in a lot of ways. Many Third World countries have booming movie industries, thriving sex trades, and rampant, bizarre celebrity worship. You know...people like Michael Jackson. Yes, sir...that sounds an awful lot like Los Angeles, and as a bonus, L.A. is bigger than a lot of Third World countries, so if anything..."honorary" status?...

Said it on the show, and it bears repeating here in print- Royal Caribbean International, and its Chief Executive, Adam Goldstein, are douchebags of the highest caliber. Stranding a family of five in a foreign country with no passports, and in just their fucking pajamas, because their 7-month-old daughter had a cold? Adam Goldstein, the ship's so-called captain, and the ship's so-called doctor oughta to be made to take a round-trip from Miami to Havana and back in their pajamas on a fucking raft.

If you should happen to agree with us, and want to share your displeasure:

Royal Caribbean International

attn: extreme douchebag Adam Goldstein

1050 Caribbean Way

Miami, Florida 33132-2096

non-media-related question line - Corporate HQ - (305) 539-6000

or you can email Lyan Sierra-Caro - Acct Exec., Corporate Communications

lsierracaro@rccl.com

Send pictures of letters, envelopes, or emails addressed to "extreme douchebag" Adam Goldstein, and we'll post them here on ProbablyUncalledFor.com in a follow-up post.

There is simply no defensible reason at all...ever...period...for not even having enough food to feed our troops in Iraq. For all the dozens...maybe hundreds...likely thousands of reasons this bullshit quagmire is probably set to stay for another twenty years, this one is particularly shameful. I'm not sure I'd rather commit suicide than starve to death, and hopefully, I'll never get the chance to find out, even in the name of whatever the hell the Bush administration wants to spin as "patriotism" this week. War is hell, and especially so when the devil in the detail is the jerk-off solely responsible for getting us into this hot mess in the first fucking place.

When it comes down to Red Bull or Mamajuana Energy, WWE wrestler John "Bradshaw" Layfield's energy drink product, I'm going to have to go with JBL on this one. Not that I do not enjoy a Red Bull and Jack from time to time, but I hold firm to a body count principle, and right now, Red Bull is far enough in the lead (and Mamajuana Energy has no trial of dead leading to their doors) to make it hard not to declare Layfield the winner here.

Japanese whiskey? The best in the world? I'm going to remain skeptical for the time being...I do wonder, however, if all the flags in Scotland flew at half-mast when the awards were announced. At any rate, kudos to Suntory Hibiki, Yoichi chief blender Tetsuyi Hisamitsu for their Yoichi 20 years old, the best whiskey in the world.

Phone rape? Shut the fuck up with that noise? If I talk someone over the phone into giving themselves a black eye, am I guilty of assault? Hardly. Must be a great and ponderous dumbass population in Tunisia. For fuck's sake, never even knew Tunisia had a cell phone tower...

What do you get the guy who has it all? How about a brass-knuckled bagslap if he spends $300,000 on a watch that simply tells him whether or not it is day or night? Magnificently needless extravagance, something the geniuses at Romain Jerome should be proud of.

Remember everybody, starting Wednesday, May 21, 2008, Probably Uncalled For will being airing at its new night and time - Wednesdays 8pm Eastern/5pm Pacific! Back in Prime Time, baby!!!

This week in yes holing

So, the United State military managed to reach its 207 recruiting goals, did it? As the four active-duty branches prepare to release thier 2008 goals, I'm left scratching my head.

I get that the military has had to jack bonuses, look the other way on things like education and criminal background, and even occasionally recruit the severely autistic kid, but man, doesn't anybody read/watch/listen to the fucking news anymore? Seriously, how can you hear about the increasing distance between sunshine and bullshit over in Iraq, and still think enlisting is a good idea? Ask the members of the Minnesota National Guard, who came home from nearly two years in Iraq to find their educational benefits were not, in fact, going to happen, and then ask them how they feel now about enlisting?

Defense undersecretary of personnel and readiness David Chu (the business card translates to government yes-hole) has an answer. Blame the parents, who are smart enough to support the troops stuck in this shitstorm, but are realistic enough to not want to amp up the war machine to perpetuate the problem. Chu's response to the percieved difficulty in recruiting?

"If the country is not willing to support a strong military for the United States by supporting the choices of young people to select military service as an option then yes, we will have trouble."

Douchebag. The country is willing to support a strong military for the United States. In the United States. Figure that out, yes-hole, and maybe on down the road you'll get a soundbite that doesn't sound like typical Bush administration buck passing.

Blog Talk RadioProbably Uncalled ForThomas Keisterppdinglesinternet radiohumoropinionentertainmentnewspoliticssocietycommentarypop culturemilitaryIraqMinnesotaNational GuardDepartment of DefenseDavid ChuBush

10.5.07

...so, Fred Thompson got a demonstration in drawing power in Iowa, huh? Puts me in mind of the scene in Last Man Standing when Christopher Walken's character says he doesn't want to die in Texas. Thompson and Sen. Barack Obama both booked banquet rooms at the same hotel, creating some fucked-up political algebra question. Two senators deliver 25-minute speeches a hallway apart in the same hotel. Who gets the crowd? Wasn't much of a fight, folks. Thompson drew less than 100 people. Obama, a little over 1,000. Yep, can't wait to see Thompson back in movies real soon. Maybe a guest shot on Law and Order...

...glad to see oblivion has taken a slight hold at Time magazine. On October 2, Time.com featured an article entitled Christianity's Image Problem, in which a poll revealed an increasing number of Americans said they had a bad impression of Christianity-at-present. A key statistic to consider was the 75% of those polled who said that Christianity had become "too involved in politics." And to think, just last month Time, in cooperation with Beliefnet.com, launched a God-o-meter, to track presidential candidates' use of religion while campaigning for 2008. Way to pretend you aren't part of the issue you are reporting. At least nobody's making shit up for you all, just yet...

...it may seem odd to follow up some politics with a story about a rapist, but after six years of the Bush administration, it's basically the same thing. Anyhow, up in Washington state, a county sheriff was preparing to take to the airwaves to ask for help in tracking down a rape suspect, when the suspect walked right on by. You know what they say, timing is everything. The suspect was actually on his second attempt to turn himself in, if you can fucking believe this. Earlier, he had tried to turn himself in at the county jail, but was told he would have to go to the police department if he wanted to do that. WTF? Seriously, what the fuck is that? According to jail officials, the suspect was directed to the police because he had no ID to back up his claim that he was a wanted suspect. Again...What the fuck? So, if some guy shows up at the county jail with a dripping hatchet in one hand, severed human leg (presumably not his) in the other, the jailers are going to tell him to take that shit downtown?...stay tuned on that one...I don't think it's far off, now...

Blog Talk RadioProbably Uncalled ForThomas Keisterppdinglesinternet radiohumoropinionentertainmentnewspoliticssocietycommentarypop cultureFred ThompsonBarack ObamaIowaChristopher WalkenTexasLast Man StandingTimeChristianityBeliefnet.comLaw and OrderpoliticsrapeWashington

With success like this, who needs failure?

With all of the flat-out denial we get treated to on a daily basis regarding the current state of our fiasco in Iraq, I imagine sometimes it is easy to forget that Iraq is not the only war America is losing. In the midst of plummeting approval ratings for both the president and congress, a less-than-surprising new chapter in denial made its debut courtesy of the nation's drug czar. According to John Walters, the head of the Office of Drug Control Policy, the war on drugs is seeing some of its best results of the last 20 years. Thankfully, there is no mention of the insipid and ineffectual anti-drug commercials the government has flushed away hundreds of millions of dollars on over the years.

So, what are some of the results that Walters is crowing mightily about? While 90%, give or take, of the cocaine that enters this country comes from Mexico, interdiction efforts have disrupted the flow enough to drive prices up in thirty-seven cities across the nation. The price jump is reported to range from 24% to nearly double in some cities. Okay, let me get this straight. Thirty-seven cities, out of thousands of cities, is considered the best results of the last twenty years? Sounds like typical war on drugs mathematics- high on optimism and low on return. Besides the numbers not exactly playing to Walters' favor, there is the train of thought that increased prices will just increase pressure in the clandestine drug market, leading to increased efforts to get it, at least in thirty-seven select cities. I'm sure any potential increase in the crime rate will make the irony involved somehow worth it.

Another key point in Walters' happy news was his statement that fewer American workers are producing positive drug test results, in addition to fewer cocaine-related hospital admissions. More ado about nothing. While fewer hospital admission can invariably reduce peripheral spending linked to the war on drugs, and fewer workers testing positive for drugs will undoubtedly help employers sleep better at night, it misses two two other obvious points to consider. Interdiction may be helping but the reality is people are simply growing more functional and using smarter. I have said for years that potheads are among the most cost-efficient employees out there. They hate switching jobs, due to often having to test for a new job, and they are among the safest, because workers' comp always drug tests for an on-the-job accident. That right there is more realistic and believable than possibly anything John Walters has said since taking charge at the ODCP.

You may consider Walters a little foolish, as he beams like Don Quixote charging a windmill, but at least he is a humble man, our drug czar, sharing some of the credit with Mexican President Felipe Calderon. Out of the world leaders battling a major war on drugs, only Calderon seems to be the one willing to put up some serious, and realistic, effort to combat trafficking, sending 25,000 police officers and army personnel to the areas hit hardest by drug violence. Not that sending 25,000 U.S troops to our borders would do much good, seeing as how the DEA, Customs, Border Patrol, ATF, U.S. Marshal's office, Coast Guard, Homeland Security can't coordinate and make a dent in any drug traffic, let alone the scratch to the iceberg Walters is celebrating.

Walters issued his remarks as the United States and Mexico are kicking around the details of an aid package estimated up to $1 billion to help Mexico fight the drug trade. What kind of success can we expect for this $1 billion, the kind John Walters is promoting, or something someone could be proud of with a straight face? Walters says the challenge is sustaining the results for the long term, but that seems to be casting an impossibly large shadow over the challenge of actually producing some results.