Thoughts on Episode 68

Wonder how many people are hanging on every minute of the bailout drama, now that details are emerging in which our Senate apparently wants to bail out railroads and Puerto Rican rum production right along with a mess of other shit that has absolutely nothing to do with the economic woes in the first place. Like I said on the show, I doubt the railroads are hurting, last time I checked, NASCAR is doing just fine, and come on, man...fucking wool research? Like there isn't anything we don't fucking know about wool by the year 2008? Key to remember here is the fact that Sen. John McCain (the guy who thinks our economic fundamental are rock damn strong) voted for the bill, although not even twenty-four hours later, he is hounding G-Dub to veto the bill, no matter what. No matter what, damnit! What the hell, is McCain already regretting his latest one-night stand after a party at the pork bar?

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So, according to an "anonymous insider" at the American Red Cross, the Department of Defense made 5,000 black men disappear into the Louisiana swamps after a single bullet to the head, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina? This is the assertion of Cynthia McKinney, the Green Party presidential candidate. You may now have a moment at home with which to facepalm. If you needed any further proof that McKinney is batshit crazy, maybe you'll get lucky and she'll wind up marrying Bobby Brown. Oh, what a reality show that would be...

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Being found dead in your truck in a Wal Mart parking lot after huffing seven and a half cans of fucking compressed air (also known as keyboard cleaner)? Congratulations, Julie Miller of Franklin, North Carolina- you just got the seat right up front on the short bus to Heaven. Hope you kept your hands inside the bus on the trip, dumbass.

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Using a religious defense to try and dodge charges including running a bordello? (that's whorehouse for those of you who do not own a dictionary or a word a day calendar from the Hustler Superstore) Damn near brilliant, but still a swing and a miss...A for effort, though.

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Now that the police in Britain have managed to confiscate (and subsequently lose) an elderly man's cane, which they deemed an "offensive weapon," maybe on next week's show, we'll find the tale of cops in the UK snagging an old lady's walker as a weapon of mass destruction. I know how you feel...you wanna look at me like I'm crazy, but the more you examine that situation, the more you find yourself feeling I'll probably be right sooner than later.

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Which is more disturbing: the concept of Kelly Osbourne having drunken, unprotected sex, or Ellen DeGeneres hawking beauty products, in yet another semi-ironic celebrity example of hypocrisy? Yeah, I hear ya...tough call. Better yet, rather not think about either, come to think of it...

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I would love to make an outrageous statement for charity, like for every picture our readers or listeners send of them with a stolen mile marker 66.6 sign from New Jersey, I'd donate some $ to the March of Dimes or something, but let's not kid ourselves here, people. I host an Internet radio show. How much do you think that is really paying right now? Yeah...but if you do manage to steal the signs, helpfully located at:

• The Garden State Parkway, Barnegat
• The New Jersey Turnpike, East Windor

Then send the damn pics, anyway...we'll post them on here, everybody will get a chuckle, and if you get pinched, as an added bonus, we'll slap your mugshot up here if they make it on The Smoking Gun's website. Good times.