Rolling Stone must have lost its damn mind...

So there I was, checking my mail, when I saw the newest issue of Rolling Stone (#1071, Feb 5, 2009) had arrived. I know, they shrank down to regular magazine size, and they have had a year or so love affair with President Obama's face, but they still have some very relevant reading regarding national affairs and other topics the so-called mainstream media should be giving ink to, even if half the damn magazine is advertisements for shit I wouldn't buy with someone else's money.

After listing the top ten (sales-wise) albums and the top ten touring acts of 2008, I found myself eyeballing a Grammy preview. In true fashion, the preview only covered six categories: Album of the Year, Record of the Year, the Death Grammy (also known as Best New Artist), Best Rock Album, Best Alternative Album, and Best Producer.

Not that I was even remotely interested in most of the nominees, but what got me attention was the so-called "panel of experts" the magazine trotted out to handicap the aforementioned six awards. Adele, Patrick Stump from one of those fucking emo bands that all sound alike, Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes, Will.i.am, Gregg Gillis (whoever the fuck that is), and Nick Jonas.

Nick Jonas? Nick Jonas, as in Nick Jonas of the fucking Jonas Brothers? What the fuck is he an expert in, cause I'll be to hell and back if you try to argue it's music. I mean, honest to God, is he even old enough to buy a pack of smokes? And Adele, who looks more like an expert in thirds at an Old Country Buffet. Those two are actually nominees for Best New Artist. Yeah, you read that right...Best New Artist. If they are new, they ain't got the experience to be "experts." What a fucking cockamamie load of shit, even for Rolling Stone.

Oh yeah, and on page 32, they refer to Amy Winehouse as their "favorite bikini model," and that she had brought the "sexy" to St. Lucia. Not even sarcasm makes that fucking funny. I am willing to put good money, bad money, even piss-soaked Monopoly money on the table that there is a far classier way to catch a STD than frolicking with Amy Winehouse.

At the rate Rolling Stone is going...I'm a fixin' to be an expert in being a former Rolling Stone subscriber, or just reading the political articles and tossing the rest on the pile...